It has been a while. As my Junior year winds to an end, I'm taking time to reflect on myself, this past year, and the years coming. ^^ As I continue my journey, please find it in your path to accompany me. 

Being able to relax and unwind is absolutely invaluable. For this whole year, I have been on fastforward and have not "breathed" or taken the time to enjoy where I'm at in my life. I've made a decision the past few days that has single-handedly affected the course I'm on. I've decided to not take 2 of my 3 AP Exams. 

Believe me, that was not an easy decision to make, but a necessary one. And I'm glad. It relieved me. On account of my only having a short time to journal now, I'm just going to run by you some of the things that have happened in the last couple days. 

Davy and I were just talking on gmail before I went downstairs to make some fries. It was a bittersweet conversation. Maybe bittersweet isn't the best word. Either way, I really feel his love for me. I feel Cory's and Michael's love for me too. It's... exhilarating. To be loved. It's a great feeling. I love my friends. Their friendship means the world to me. David and I... we're intwined. When he opens up and tells me his feelings of love for me, my heart becomes full. The same with my other friends. I think I first experienced this with Lupy. This feeling of intimacy between unrelated people. It's a phenomenon. 

I told David today that if I was still home, I'd have asked him to our senior prom. ^^ Lisi would have asked Cory. Just imagine the four of us going together. The thought is beyond my imagination. How great that would have been. Because of that thought, I want to save my money all next year and go down there twice: one for the prom and one for graduation. Wouldn't that be amazing? I wonder if it's possible. It's physically possible. I'd save from my job and buy a plane ticket in April for prom and in June for graduation. I could pack a suitcase and skip school for 1 or 2 days. I'd skip that Friday and Lupin would skip that Friday and we'd hang out the whole day. Actually, I'd want to stay at Lupy's for graduation so I'd stay with Yvonne this time. ^^ She might skip. Either way, I'd get ready and hang out with Lupy and hug ppl all Saturday until the night when I'd go with David to Prom. We'd stay up till forever in the morning and I'd leave on Sunday to get back to school. :) In that case, I probably wouldn't skip that Friday. I'd go after school. Then, for graduation, I'd do it all over again. Sounds amazing. They get out weeks before us. After they all graduate, it'll be their turn to visit me. A perfect plan. Haha. 

Well, besides that, the AP US Hist Exam was today. I congratulated TJ and Davy. I have yet to speak to Lupy. I bet she did amazing. Same with Cory and Bret and Milly and Michael. I have faith in them and in Goss. 

There's a lot going on at school. Yvonne's mom found her pron stash. Goss is getting fired. Zane and I are getting closer. Devan's annoying me. Cool Guy is being friendly. Jacob and I... our relationship isn't all that clear. Anyways, if and when I get time (it seems like I never do and never will), I'll relate it all to you. Until then.

Good morning! It's 8 AM and I'm all energetic. Oh wait, it's almost 9. Wow, it's already that long? Oh well! ^-^ 

I love LM.C. Their music is really good. Liar Liar is my favorite song (I know I should put that in quotations but I don't really want to). -_- You know you spend too much time watching Asians when you pronounce "LM.C" as "El Em Shi".. On my myspace, my headline is "Lock Thee Eru Emu Shi!" XD Engrish is your friend! This happened to me again! I was watching some subbed Super Junior video and in the subs I read "MC" as "Em Shi". It was very interesting. I was surprised. Lol

I had some great convos last night with a few of my friends (Kiki, Rockwell, Cory, and Perry). I think my convo with Cory was the best I've had with him in a while. He's really opening up to me. ^^ And he's changing, so it's nice to see the transformation even though I'm not physically there anymore. All my friends are in my heart ALL the time and it's great to be able to connect with them again. I will stay in touch after we all go to college. I mean, you have all this freedom in college. I'm gonna use it to the fullest. The first chance I get, I'm taking Cory to the Spiritual Arts Fair. He really wants to go and it would be nice to take a little vacation and go travel here together. (I'm also gonna drag him to Yaoicon... he has no choice).

The email Michael sent me was priceless. I love him, he's the greatest. There's like a 90% chance he's coming up here to visit Lisi and me on June 13th or 14th. He'll be in bootcamp and he said he wants to visit for a little bit. I'd die of happiness. I'll still be in school but I dont' care. I'll see him after school. The 14ths a Saturday anyway. I hope to God that he comes. ^^ I miss my friends!!

Well, that's all for now. I have an essay to write for Anthro (it took me all day yesterday to do my Sociology Unit Paper) and I have a whole list of things to do today. Tomorrow's the SAF so I'll be there volunteering all day. Then Sunday, nothing but fun!! XD Take care!

Well, I'm really happy right now. 

About two hours ago I got home from hanging out with Zane, this guy in my class. I had a lot of fun. All day yesterday I was worried it was gonna be bad but I ended up gaining a new friend. When he asked he on Thursday to hang out over break (have I told you this story?), I was so surprised. To be honest I didn't think he was serious. But, he was and it was really great. The original plan was that I'd go over to his house and we'd play games and just hang out. This is gonna sound stupid but I was really afraid that this was gonna be some trick and he and my entire English class were gonna throw eggs at me and put it on Youtube. -_-; It's so stupid but I was seriously worrying about this. I could see no other reason for someone like him to want to hang out with someone like me. I called Lupy (my best friend) and talked to Titi about it and both made me feel better. Titi (my aunt, in case you didn't know) suggested that instead of going to his house we could go downtown and look at all the shops and grab some pizza and ice cream. Since that was a genius plan I called him and asked him if that was okay. Thank god it was, because otherwise I'd have died. I would have figured out after a little bit that he's not that kind of guy but I'm happy with how things went. 

We ended up not eating pizza and just walking around. We didn't even go into any shops. But that was okay. Just talking was fine. Sometimes I felt stupid but I'm very glad I got to know him. Yesterday, I saw him and Ian and Martin walking around downtown and I ducked. I was in the car with my aunt, coming home from the gym and I hid as much as possible. ^^ I told Zane that. I'm glad he thought it was funny cause he could have taken it the wrong way. 

I told him a bit about mom and about my old school and all this stuff. I tried not to be weird or talk about myself too much. I learned a great deal about him too (not as much as I'd like but there will always be time for that [and I saw that in the non-naive connotation]). Next time I'm gonna go to his house. He's nice so I'm sure I don't have to be worried about him thinking I was dumb. 

-_- I'm kinda rambling now. I guess I'll describe Zane a little bit. This may fail but here goes:

He's tall and really smart. Like the kind of smart that makes really funny connections between two things you'd never even normally think of (like 1st period English and social darwinism). He's Jewish but doesn't really believe in God. He thinks he's republican but isn't conservative. He listens to old rock (60s) and classical music, is a hardcore gamer (D&D,RPGs), and is a hardcore scifi/fantasy lover.

He's pretty complicated. I'm just happy he likes me too. I don't know why, I'm so boring. But I guess friends like you anyway. I'm also really happy that he liked the CD I made him. Since I was going over to his house I figured I'd make him a sample CD of all the different types of East Asian music I know of. I put rap, rock, and pop on there. I LOVE every song so I really like the CD too. I told him on the way to my house (he walked me home) that I'd made him a CD and it took me 2 and a half hours because most of the songs I thought represent Asian music I had to find and download. T.T Mix CDs are fun but not when it takes that much effort. I showed him my room and gave him the CD in this little case. On the front I'd written "Representing East Asia" in English and Japanese. When he opened it and looked, a really pretty smile came on this face and the way he said "You made this for me?" made me so happy it was WORTH those 2.5 hours. I hope he likes it. He's gonna give me some music in return. Here's what was on it:

Over the Rainbow by Trax (Krock)
Rokkuguh by Super Junior (Kpop)
Smile Ichiban Ii Onna by An Cafe (Oshare kei)
Agitated Screams of Maggots by Dir en Grey (J'metal')
Rose of Pain by X Japan (Jrock)
Hi no Hikari Sae Todokanai Basho de by Miyavi (Jrock)
Subarashikikana, Kono Sekai -What a Wonderful World- by Miyavi (Jrock)
Weeeek by NewS (Jpop)
U by Super Junior M (Cpop)
Sonata of Temptation by Ivy (Kpop)
I'm Coming (Feat. Tablo) by Bi/Rain (KR&B)
Drifting by Jay Chou (CR&B)
Sakurasake by Arashi (Jpop)
Ai Senshi by Gackt (Jrock)
Beast of Blood by Malice Mizer (Jrock)
track 14 (bonus track) on album Gauze by Dir en Grey (Jrock)

It was really hard to limit it down to these few songs. For instance, I wanted to include "Last Song" and "Yami no Shuen", at least, for Gackt because they're fantastic songs. But, the point of the CD was to introduce different types of Asian music and if I kept those two songs I'd have to get rid of track 14 of Diru and "Smile Ichiban Ii Onna" for An Cafe. While I think "Last Song" and "Yami no Shuen" are important for understanding Japanese music, I can't kick out vital songs representing 90s Visual kei and Oshare kei. So, after much deliberation, I decided to keep Ai Senshi even though it's not originally Gackt's song because it felt right. ^^ I'm a being largely based on feelings so even though I'm logical I go with what my heart feels (at least some of the time). There were, of course, certain songs I included just because I love that song. I wanted to get the bands/artists that represent different sects, so that was set in stone, but the song I chose had one major criteria: it had to represent the style of that band/artist. A lot of the time there were multiple songs so in those cases I chose which ones I liked best. "Rokkuguh", "Over the Rainbow", "Sakurasake", and "Beast of Blood" were those songs.

My sister chose track 14 for Dir en Grey. I've got to say, Dir en Grey was a little hard to chose. I definitely wanted a slower, earlier song by Diru and a heavy metal, vulgar song from the recent Diru stuff. I knew "Agitated" had to be it but "Clever Sleazoid" was a close second. My sister wanted "Sleazoid" but it wasn't as representative in my mind (especially since its an older song). She got to choose the second Diru song though. I was gonna pick Yokan or one of the beginning tracks on Gauze but I think her choice was good. For the rest I tried to stick to new stuff. "Sonata of Temptation" and "I'm Coming" are pretty much the only songs I even know for Ivy and Bi/Rain, who I think are important in understanding Korean pop and R&B. Now that I think about it, Wonder Girls' "Tell Me" would have been perfect too. 


So today was significant for me because it was the first time I'd ever gone out by myself. I always go out with my friends with Lisi, who's one of my closest friends. I love having my sis around. But, it also felt really nice to just go by myself. I feel bad, guilty even. If I were here I'd feel abandoned and sad and insecure. But she took it well (externally at least). And she was so excited about the whole thing. The way she looked during History after I told her what Zane said, it was so cute. God, I feel horrible. I don't want to bring it up to her though because 1) it's something that needs to happen and 2) I'd probably cry and make her feel worse. T.T Lisi, since I can't tell you, I'm really sorry and I hope you're okay. Sarang hae.

-_- I'm gonna go now. I think I'm hungry...  Score 1 for independence...

God. This is not a good time to be doing what I'm doing now. 

I have a week off for Spring Break which I'm suppose to spend studying but the only I've done for 3 days is watch Super Junior stuff on Youtube and eat. I'm getting tired of complaining about not studying but this is a new phenomena. Never in my entire high school career have I *not* wanted to study. I should rephrase that. I WANT to study, I just can't bring myself to. I started studying for AP Chem around 9:30~10 and quite about 15 minutes ago. I absolutely cannot get that stuff. Once the damn book started contradicting itself, I was done. I'm sorry but 1 = 1 no matter what they say. Who even writes this test? It's ridiculous (so is AP Eng). Am Hist seems really easy this year. World was not. T.T I guess it's perspective? 

-_- Like half an hour of my "studying" was drawing little comics in the book. 

Yes! Rain's World just finished downloading. Not like my computer can handle it though. T.T The hardrive is WAY too overloaded. I know this and I still keep downloading things. I've even started downloading PVs. At some point I'm gonna have to delete like 90% of the stuff on here. I'll probably host the documents on some site like wordpress or something. Or maybe a separate Livejournal. (Tablo's so cute!) Then I can put my 500+ pictures on Photobucket and delete them. I'm afraid of losing them because I have a bad memory and if I don't have those pics to remind me of my best friend's bday or my last date with my friend David, then I won't remember them. I'll have to take a chance with putting them on PB. They're probably safer there than they are on my hardrive. Problem is, that's gonna be a long, boring, extensive process...

I've kinda more or less decided a few minutes ago that I'm not gonna study this week. It's a really risky decision but if it saves me in the long run it'll be worth it. The logic is as follows: I'm really stressed right now due to my "life circumstances" and school in general and I've waited whilest nearly drowning for this break. I'm gonna snap if I don't take time off of school. This is my last break for this year. If I don't replenish whatever it is that's made me study 12 hours a day for the past three years, I swear I'm gonna go crazy. I'll go to school all pissed and worn out, ready to kill someone. Thus, for the safety of all concerned (and because I'm about to break) I'm not going to study this week. Of course, when I *want* to review essay formats or significant events of the 19th Century, I will. But the only mandatory work is my homework from my "regular" life: a comprehensive unit paper for Sociology and an essay for Anthropology. 

It's kinda funny because I don't focus on "school" at all. At my old school I barely got homework, it was enough to stay alive in the class itself. Almost all grades were based on tests alone (except math; I've never met a math teacher in my entire life that didn't believe in giving substantial amounts of homework everday). Everything was "study for this standardized test" or "this AP exam". Because of that, I never study for school because I don't have to. Straight As was good enough for me before; I didn't need a 99 in everything. As long as it wasn't a 90 (except for in History where it's almost impossible to get a above a 90) I was good. Then I transfer here and the GPA isn't as (how should I say this?)... "inflated". I can't just get 93s and have a perfect GPA. I actually have to get a 95 or better in every class to make the highest honor list. ^^ To be honest, I like that but just not right now. I'm drowning in exams this year and can't really afford to focus my attention on school. They're completely separate matters and completely separate lives (for me). I have a 95 and above in every class except Anthro and Am Hist, both taught by clemons. I have a 91 in one and a 93, I think, in the other. T.T I don't know how he grades essays yet so I always get a 90-95 on those. He says that's good since he never gives like 98s but that's not gonna cut it for me. I got an 86 on his last Anthro test and THAT was a wake up call for me. I can't blow off a test until the day of in that class. I'll have to study at least the night before to get a 95+. That really brought me down emotionally so I made a list of people and concepts I should know, the night before for the upcoming Am Hist test. Then, in English I looked over it one and a half times (Eng is 1st period, Hist is 2nd) and I scored a 96. I was so freakin happy. He told me in 7th period Anthro and that he was happy for me. He's so sweet. It totally made my day. Thank god there was no essay. I'm gonna ask him on Mon what criteria he uses for essays. 

Thank god I don't have to do much in Trig and Chem to do well. I haven't done my homework in Trig for weeks since I lost my calculator. I can't afford to buy another one so I've just been doing a couple of questions without doing the math. I BS the Chem homework too. That's not really good because it's all new material for me but Chem and Trig are two of the classes I *have* to brush off because I can't afford to spend anymore time on them. Selective negligence, if you will. I think any smart student would do well to have some sort of system like that. And I don't mean like Valedictorian smart. I'm talking about students who are determined to do well in school. This may be extremely naive but I am talking from experience, which may not say much. I think one Brown student put it better than have... I'll try to find that. 

It's exactly because of that system that I'm where I am today. You've got to know how to manipulate school around you're schedule and not in the "party all night" sense. If you can selective negligence in control you'll have no problem get straight As or whatever else you want. Math teacher guy doesn't check the homework even though he assigns it everyday. If given the opportunity I do it but most of the time I can't so I don't. Like I said, I'll do a couple when it gets close to exam time (since exams are the only thing we're graded on) and do a few from the review he gives us if he gives us one. As long as you know how to do it nothing else matters. Now, I absolutely do NOT condone not doing you're homework because you wanted to go out with friends or because you didn't feel like it. (When did this turn into a statement of my policy?)
You're sacrificing practice you don't need in math to have more time to study for some stupid subject you need time for AP Chem in my case. 

You've got to use the system right or it'll ruin you. For instance, I got my first 100% in Trig on a really complicated test last week. MY problem is that, even though there's nothing I don't understand in every math I've taken so far, I mess up with little things that add up. I'll forget an exponent here or I'll put sin in for cos there. To get the grade you want, you have to evaluate yourself and figure out how you're going to overcome a problem you're having. I didn't do ANY of the homework for that test and did well because I know how to do it and I've evaluated myself enough to know what I'm doing wrong. 

I highly recommend doing that, but again, only if you're going to use right. ^^

Wow, that was a bit unexpected. I'm gonna wrap this up because I'm hungry and I want to watch a movie. Sometime I hope to talk about survival in school in general (lord knows I've just barely kept my head above the water). 

To end, I just wanna mention Rain's movie coming out soon: Speed Racer. I'm gonna go watch it if I can just because he's in it. And, yesterday, I discovered Ivy's Advent Children-esqe "Sonata of Temptation" and Lee Sooyoung's "Short Hair". Great songs. It's funny how many things I like are connected, but I'll talk about that some other time (?). On a closing note, Lee Junki is featured in one of Lee Sooyoung's PVs (can't remember which one) and he looks A M A Z I N G. They're doing kendou and I kept thinking how much I miss kendou but what a burden it was to me. ^^ Believe me, if LEE JUNKI was in my kendou class, I'd NEVER leave kendou. 

That's all for now. Take care!

In fifteen minutes AZN is about to go off air. Unfortunately, I'm at school so I cannot accompany it on its final few minutes of broadcast. I watched the last episode of Good Morning Shanghai this morning. I don't really like that drama but it was nice to watch a little bit of AZN before school. 

Just to kind of pay my respects, here is a list of firsts for me since I've been watching AZN (about four years):

• First Chinese drama: Dead Men Do Tell Tales
• First Asian reality show: Ainori
• First time seeing Wentz Eiji: Ainori
• First time seeing Teppei Koike on TV: Iryu II
• First drama ever: Jewel in the Palace and Hotelier (both Korean)
• First time hearing Korean music: DBSK, Tri-angle album
• First time seeing Super Junior on TV: Music Bang, PV for U
• First time seeing TRAX on TV: Music Bang, PV for Beat Traitor

AZN has done a lot of other things for me too. So, I just want to say to everyone involved: thank you for providing my only source of Asian television for four years!!! It's been great and I hope you all succeed in anything else you do.

I just wanted to write a little more before I go off and start doing something else. 

-_- First, my aunt told me I'm spending too much time on the computer and didn't let me get on all yesterday. I almost died. Haha! I was really stressed out yesterday so my aunt told me to take the day off from studying (it was a Saturday) so I did. It was nice but all I did was take naps and journal. Literally. I've kept a journal almost everyday for almost a year and yesterday I wrote nine pages on and off. I also took two naps. 

It lead me to think: what is there to do besides go online? Nothing. I don't like anything. Lately, because of depression and other factors I have been completely rebelling against schoolwork. I don't want to; I want to get it done. But my body didn't move. For 2 weeks straight I didn't do a thing. All I did on weekends was sit. It was a bit weird. I'm usually quite restless but all I did was sit. -_- That's not good. Thankfully I'm back to studying but I can only go 6 hours now. I can't do more than that. Maybe that's a good thing but I have to prepare for 3 major exams in a month and 9 exams later in the year. I'm WAY too overwhelmed. But, after this year I can rest (I think). 

This isn't really what I wanted to talk about and how but I'll probably leave it up. Later I want to write about Ajumma and college. Look forward to it!! ^^

Btw, in Under the Sea, Yesung's voice is absolutely amazing. It's so beautiful and powerful. I know that's weird to say about a Disney song but I recommend anyone check it out. kumaguro4303 has it on her lovely Livejournal for download. Kangin's voice sounds great too.

Hello!

I figured I might as well introduce myself briefly. I just finished studying for the AP US History exam and I'm taking a break. ^^ So, this will be brief so I can get back to studying!! :)

Nice to meet you! I'm Marius Mink! ^^ Up until recently I lived in central Florida (for about 12 years) with my lovely friends. As of Nov 07 I've been living in upstate New York, which is where I was born. The school I went to was a public military academy, which I loved dearly. There I took Japanese and Kendou (at school), participated in Drill Team (that's where you flip rifles in the air), and met some of my best friends. The city I lived in was huge compared to where I live now. 90,000 people live in the actual city and 500,000 live in the metropolitan area surrounding the city. Now I live in a town of 12,000 people, 7,000 being college students. It's a big change. Of course, it snows here, but there are many other differences. I'll talk about eventually. Oh, and I live with my aunt now, along with my older sister, when before I lived with my mother. Just a bit of background information. ^^


Two things in my life define me, I think: school and East Asia. There's really nothing else I do. I take school very seriously and just about everything I do revolves around getting into college. Typically, I study everyday and about 12 hours a day on weekends although that's changed a bit recently. I don't study for my classes, per se. It's more for the giant exams at the end of the year. It's easy to do well in school because people don't generally expect much from you. As long as I have straight As, I'm good (although that's changing a bit too; I want a cumulative average of 95 or better for the moment). It's those AP Exams at the end of the year I'm worrying about. I'm taking three this year and I took one last year. 

I get up, go to school, come home, eat, exercise, watch an episode of Ajumma Ga Ganda (Here Comes Ajumma), and study till night time and go to bed. ^^ My only time off is on weekends after my marathon study sessions. I've been taking Fridays off too. In my free time, I mostly watch Asian dramas online and little extras and lives from my favorite bands. I love East Asia. I love the pop culture stuff (movies, dramas, music, etc) but I love the ethnographic stuff too. I only read nonfiction books mostly on East Asian (also Newsweek and Game Informer). No fiction whatsoever unless it's a manga/manhwa or some yaoi novel. ^^ Whatever college I end up attending, I'm probably going to major in East Asian Studies (Japan, Korea, China) and minor in Anthropology with a concentration in ethnography. 

This is a bit unique, but I love heavy metal and boy bands equally. It's a funny combination. Not many people expect an honor student to listen to heavy metal but, yeah, I love it. Rock/heavy metal is my favorite genre of music. And I only listen to East Asian music. If you haven't guessed by now, my favorite group is Dir en Grey and has been for about 3 or 4 years. On the other hand, I absolutely love Asian boy bands. Super Junior is my favorite band in that respect. I don't like them all though. DBSK and SS501 and stuff are okay but Super Junior and NewS are my top bands. I love their music and them as individuals/actors. I've been into Jrock for years but kpop is relatively knew to me (almost a year, not quite). Malice Mizer is my favorite old band (is it okay to call them old?!) but I think X Japan is the greatest band to ever walk the face of the earth. T.T Really. I still cry when I hear their music. Vidoll, Believe in Style (they just broke up!!!!), Sadie, Girugamesh, NewS, Super Junior, Takui, Onmyouza... I like a bunch of groups.

My other likes/hobbies include dramas (I've already said that), IMing (I do that TOO much), DDR, sleeping, reading/collecting manga, watching anime, studying people (ethnography!!), studying language, and yaoi in general. I've been into anime for 8 years, and I love it, but I don't watch it much anymore. ^^ The current American anime culture disgusts me. I'll probably talk about that some other time. I'm absolutely addicted to yaoi. Most of the manga I own are yaoi (I've been into it for 6 years). I do actually watch [yaoi] pron too, but that's a whole 'nother story. 

Again, my obsession with dramas will be the subject of some other entry some other day. 

That doesn't look that brief but it really is considering how dynamic people are. I'll talk about things I wasn't able to here throughout the year (like my undying love for Teppei Koike). I'll looking forward to it. Wish me luck! ^-^